internet a go go gone

Apparently I have broadband. The router can see that I have broadband. It tells me everything is connected and happy, but when it should be talking to moonbase alpha, mission control or whatever, none of these nom de plumes respond, leaving my computer as frustrated as an autistic child.
today is mild. the sun is almost out, the sky not quite blue, and it's achieved light drizzle in my heart.
Hurrrump.
I'll add a photo later.
I'm off to see if I can buy a router for under €50