Is there someone there?

When I initially decided that I would come over to Portugal I realised I’d have to get some foot in the door regarding language. In order to do this, I bought a book on grammar, a Portuguese/English dictionary and a couple of those “Teach Yourself Martian” type CDs. The first one that I got had all sorts of recommendations, “I was able to buy oxygen from locals without dying”, “I understood the dangers of going out without a spacesuit” and, “because of the knowledge of Martian, I knew that virtually every other mispronunciation resulted in some word for penis or euphemistic reference to sex”. Oh hang on that last one...

Mine, which were not for Martian, were of course for Portuguese, but they may as well have been. No where so far in my travels, Mr M. Cook, have I come across anyone who speaks in such a low register as to be impossible to locate in a darkened room.
Ok there are sounds that I just can’t resolve. At times I have been like a manic cartoon cat with a mouthful of tacks chasing these sounds around with my hammer, and can I nail them down? Nope, it’s like nailing a jellyfish to a wall. Even so, people do not sound as suicidal as Cook would have us think.

The country isn't populated with male voices destroyed by years of smoking 50 a day and copious amounts of Port wine. Not so. Most people speak well within our hearing registers and men are not moon lighting in clubs and discos as sub-woofers.


I don't advocate the nailing of Scyphozoanians (native or naturalised) to anything, vertical or otherwise orientated.